Being in a competitive sport as a teenager is hard. Athletes are judged by their body composition in aesthetic sports, like gymnastics and dance; they are measured by how lean and strong their body is at a certain weight; they are believed to depend on the number on the scale for their whole career. On top of that, they have academics, social lives, and family to juggle, making it easy to break. I’m worried for my peers that I see around me involving body image, but at my rink specifically, I’ve noticed something that I feel is worse.
I’m close with the younger skaters, probably because I essentially act like one when I’m comfortable, and one day, I was watching an exhibition with one of the groups of littles. I zoned out for a second, watching someone do their program, and then I heard a conversation that made my blood go still.
“I can’t eat that, or I’ll have to workout a lot after,” one of them said. “I need to watch my calories.” “No, you don’t,” I quickly cut in, turning my full attention to her. “You just turned ten.” “Yeah, I still do,” she responded quietly. The other little girls nodded slowly. I blinked three times, and then repeated myself. “You’re ten. You need to be happy without worrying about food, and just enjoy life and everything that comes with it. You need nutrients to grow. Don’t worry about calories, queen. It’s not a good path to go down.”
Applause interrupted me, but I couldn’t focus as I watched the rest of my friends go. This isn’t the only interaction I’ve had with the younger skaters. One of them told me they like wearing baggy clothes only because it makes them feel more protected. Another started to check her watch and read all of the calories she burned in her last session. I always worry about them, even now. They’re old enough to stress about their bodies, but maybe not to find a way to healthily process those feelings. They don’t quite know how to ask for help, and they’re growing up in a sport that hones in on their appearance. What else will they ever know? How far will they go down this path? How can I help stop it?
I wonder if my generation of skaters isn’t setting a good enough example. If I’m not showing to them that we need to eat to skate, that we need food for energy to jump and spin. If other teenagers make too many jokes about their body. Some parents are contributing to this too. A mom was talking to a girl my age and said, “How are you always so skinny? I told my daughter she can’t eat like you, because she won’t stay as skinny as you are.” I wanted to say something at that moment, but couldn’t find the right words. I felt a little sick. My question is how we’ve gotten to a system where kids who are still learning their multiplication and division facts are fretting about the way they look. How girls who dressed up as Rumi and Mira from K-Pop Demon Hunters at our rink’s trunk-or-treat are counting calories routinely. It isn’t worth it. A “dream body” is not worth this.
So, here’s what I want to say to the younger girls. I want to tell them that yes, we have to take care of ourselves, but our bodies will not look all the same. That is by no means bad. It means that we grew up different, that we have different genetics, that we all have stories no one knows but ourselves. That your childhood should not be consumed by hating your reflection, that they are wonderful as they are. That they will be great skaters, and that they are right now, and that they are already the brightest and funniest young girls I know. That they have so much joy in them, and that I would hate to see that flicker out and be replaced permanently with anxiety.
I hope I can tell this all to them one day. I hope one day I won’t need to.